Well, it’s been a rolloer coaster.

But first things first, of course we have to show a picture of the little princess.

She is as wonderful as can be, and is very easy to care for, lucky for me.  I don’t think i could take a high maintenance baby now…

I am always astounded how wonderful and sweet they are, you’de think I would be prepared for the massive emotional attatchement that developes, what with this being number 5, but no I am still shocked that I can love something so much.

I was trying to capture one of those elusive first smiles but as you see I was not successful.  She is now working on 7 weeks, and is doing wonderfully.  She is sleeping somewhere around 7 hours a night and so I can’t complain.

People ask how William takes to not being the baby.  I think he is actually glad to have the distraction.  Now he can really move on in his life into the things he really wants to do.  He can finally start to meet some goals and accomplish some things he hasn’t been able to do before due to my meddling in his affairs.

So, if I am busy with the baby, I need not fear he will be jealous, he’s coping wonderfully.  I am however drinking at least one beer a day, just to get through the day without feeling like I am loosing my mind.  Ha, I can laugh at this, which is really better than getting worked up about it.

On another note, I haven’t posted, because my laptop died.  I bought a wam bam dual core fast little sucker and Ahem the above mentioned person poured my coffee on it after I had had it only about 18 hours.  Yes I know you shouldn’t leave coffee near laptops, but he tricked me by the diversion method of making one mess and then destroying the laptop while I was cleaning it up.  He will make an excellant military man someday, hes a plotter.  So then I was doing a little work on Dominic’s computer and it broke too….

I got my first speeding ticket last Friday.  Drove 20 years without gettting one.  I DO NOT speed.  Turns out speed limit was apparently 35 not 45.  Hey I was distracted officer with the 5 KIDS in the car ok?  You try to notice the speed limit, pass out cookies, explain phethageriams therom and settle the arguement of who farted once and for all….While driving, and breathing and everything.   So now I have  a record and I feel rotten about it.

But I have been working, as you know I can’t ever just relax.  I made a goal to make 3 - 5 pounds of cheese a week until the extra fridge is full of it aging.  So far so good, I’ll keep you posted.

I’ve also been making and selling these spindles.  I cut the wood witha  hole saw and drill press, then carve the designs.  They spin nicer than any spindle I have ever used, and I am very proud of them.  My spindle company is proudly called JMJ spindles.  I hope to have some in the shop soon.  THis first one is Paducka wood and it is beautiful, that is the natural color of the wood.  I do not know if I will keep using this wood though.

This one is made from red cedar and I love the dual colors.

I also made some from some purple heart I had laying around and this also turned out beautiful.

I am making them in oak and cherry as well.  There is also a butterfly design, but I haven’t shown it here.

I don’t know when I will be able to get my laptop fixed.  In the land of tech support mytholigy there are parts, ordered and some mythilogical technition that will come and put them in, but personally I think the tech person is just yanking my chain to get some sort of sick thrill.  Backordered parts…. ya sure.  Three weeks and counting now, hope to see you all regularly soon.

We’re very pleased to announce that Julianna was born at 12:52am on June 18th. She weighed 8 pounds 2 ounces, and was 20 inches long. Everybody is doing fantastic, and we’ll have some pictures up in a day or two.

Update - pictures now available (click on the picture of Julianna to go to the gallery on Beau’s site)

Rocks

So, I went to the Dr today, and was very “ripe” and 4 cm dialted.  The Dr did not feel ok with sending me home, so here we are in the hospital.

Nurse apologized for the big IV needle, heard all the sheep laughing their uh tails off.  Used about an 18 guage needle I’de wager.

Mom and Dad came and got the kids, Beau got back her finally.  So I’m bored, and not having much in contractions, so I got  a little pitocin, and things are moving along quickly now.  I have been contracting all day.

My laptop DIED yesterday, but my hardrive is ok, so no lost data, which is good because I was a bad bad geek and haven’t backed up for about 2 months or so.

On another note, I don’t have email addresses, but I can check my email here on Beau’s laptop.  I have a message for Heidi,

Your order is completed, and I will get it mailed when I get out.  I finished it, and was spinning leaders, and fine tuning the hooks today, when labor started.  I have 12 gemstones, and 12 wooden ones.  I have three woods, patucha, mahogany and cherry.  I stained them all nicely and they are carved with several different lovely designes.  I think you will be pleased.  We can finish that bisiness up in a day or two when they let me out.  Thanks,

For everyone else, I don’t have much to say, just waiting for the baby to come.  Going to do laptop shopping now.

Cheers, and pray for us to deliver safely and with no complications.

Well, so I have been busy, shearing sheep, buying sheep, selling sheep and all sorts of stuff.  My nesting this time has been focused around some tasks that will just be impossible after the baby is born.  Well, ok I admit it, yes I did clean out all the closets, but that’s beside the point now isn’t it?

Last weekend Beau, in his kindness gave me all of Monday, and was my cheerful minion, doing my bidding and helping me get stuff done.  It was very nice.  He deserves a very hearty pat on the back for being such a pleasant and compliant minion for me.

Dispite that, there is still much work to be finished, and I don’t know how we will get it all done in time for the newest Jackson’s debut.  Still, I imagine it will all work out.  So far I have sheared 6 sheep.  I had one sheared at the last fiber festival, so really I only sheared 5, but you understand that 6 do not need shearing right?  ok, just so you don’t think I’m lieing to you or somethin, anyway I have 6 sheep sheared.

Here’s a better way to put it.

Allena has 15 sheep to be sheared.  Four of these sheep have been sold and will be sheared by their new owner, except for one that Allena already sheared, to show the new owner how.  Three sheep have been bought, and these also need to be sheared.  Allena already sheared or had sheared 6 sheep, so how many sheep are left for Allena to shear?   well, the answer is 8…uh I think.

Shearing must be done before the baby arrives.  So 8 more, if the weather stays nice, I can usually do two a day without too much trouble.  So I should have no trouble getting it done before June 22.

So, on another note, Spindle and Wheel has passed the 70,000 visiter mark, which if you ask me is pretty good.  Now people often ask me, how I managed to get to the top of the list on google searches, and the answer?  Keywords my friends, keywords.

Now I want to just demonstrate this fact with my last post.  If you read it, you will recall that my goal was to be number one on the search term “weinie growing pill”.  It took about three days….

That’s because I use that term about a million times, in fact if you want an example we should pick something like oh I don’t know, something obscure so that I can show you clearly…. Something like “gaseous remuneration”

yeah, that will work.  If you google it now, there just aint much there, and nothing at all realated to gaseous remuneration.

See!  I used it twice now, the object o keyword articles is to use the term, in this case, gaseous remuneration as many times as posisble, all the while making it fit into the context well, and not sound funny.  It’s not like you can use a term like gaseous remuneration easily in any sentance, but the more you use that odd term, then the more times google will see gaseous remuneration on your page and it will decide that you must know alot about returning fire, and low and behold suddenly when you google gaseous remuneration….your site is number one.

I have a gift, and I use it to increase my rating on google, by using my term gaseous remuneration lots and lots, in fact as many times as I can possibly say gaseous remuneration, I will say it.  Over and over and over will you see the term gaseous remuneration on the page.

But wait! You might say, why not just put the term like a hundred times on one page….Well you could, but google won’t put your term into context.  You see, it will see the term lots of times, but also recognize that gaseous remuneration isn’t really being discussed.  Also, you need to have some actual content on gaseous remuneration, otherwise you will get the hits, but people wouldn’t actually find what they were looking for, in this case information on gaseous remuneration.

Well so a keyword article would be informative, and about the term gaseous remuneration, but would also be interesting, and have some good content.  Something like this:

Gaseous remuneration is a very important aspect of marriage, and family life.  Most young couples are unaware of this aspect of their relationship until after the honeymoon and real life sets in.  There is only a matter of time until gaseous remuneration is going to become a topic of some importance on one level or another.  Some more mannerly couples may prefer to ignore the issue of gaseous remuneration, but I find that these are those same people who have a pained expression on their faces, are not happy and in gerneral are a little too uptight to let one fly at the right time.

Gaseous remuneration is not just “the fart game”, it is a highly competitive and aggressive struggle between family members, those on top of the gaseous remuneration game, must always be ready for the next challanger in his area of speceilty.  How does one focus on one particular facet of gaseous remuneration you ask?  Well, as with most things, gaseous remuneration has several levels and arenas of stiff competition.   Gaseous remuneration can be achieved on different types of competition, and also in all the different ways that gaseous remuneration can be attained.

Obviously volume and stink factor come into play when discussing gaseous remuneration.  One person may hold the championship in volume, and yet the other be the title winner in strength of smell.  Gaseous remuneration has much to offer in the different levels of competition, and most family members will find their particular speciality quickly.  Most family dogs even participate successfully in gaseous remuneration, and indeed family pets are quite often the winners in the stench division.

So you get the point right?  well check back with me in three days, and I bet that gaseous remuneration typed into google will turn up me.  number one.   It’s sort of like a fun game, what term can I use and become the first one on the list…lol.  heh heh.

I didn’t get to say everything I had to say about this, which is ironic considering the MASSIVE length of my last post.  For those of you who only started reading it, the good part was at the end when I talked about boobies and wienie growing pills.  Anyhow, I wish I could write a letter to the people who send you those emails, and so I decided I would like to do so, just in case they ever google “wienie growing pills” someday to see who is their competition.  My goal is to see how long before I am number one on the google list for this search term… As it stands there are just a few sites that are showing people how to be taller, and some boobie enhancement pills.  No I don’t need those either, read the rest of the last post please…

Dear Suppliers of wienie size enhancement pill, device or elixir,

First of all, let me begin by saying that I do feel so special that you have found it within your generous and gracious heart to let me in on this ONE TIME limited offer.   However, I have a few problems, that have kept me from clicking on the button that says “begin growing your wienie now”.

First of all, lets think about how picky people are in general about their wienies, do you think I would just let anyone handle this delicate situation?  I mean it’s my WIENIE!  I would only have one for crying out loud, as far as I know I sure don’t want to be just taking pills, or using devices and elixirs of super wienie powers indiscriminately.  I mean, what if it grew too much and was like dragging along behind like a big ol panty hose filled with rice?  People would shake their heads, and in 30 years, old geezers would say stuff like: (old geezer voice) “Yep, I remember, it was back in Aught 8 that those wienie growing elixirs came out, and grew all those wienies to the size of bowling ball bumpers” (you know, those thingies they put in for little kids so they don’t get gutter balls?).   “Poor men lost their wives and jobs and now they just wander the streets begging for food because they can’t do nothing to support themselves with that big wienie, and ain’t none of ‘em man enough to have it docked off.  Yep could do it with a big rubber band at home, but none of ‘em wanna go back to being a little wiener guy.”  That’s what they would say.  Besides, even though you give a bunch of references from Joe and Rick, how do I know they are honest?  I want  a certifiable study, with research and all that.. I want to know FOR sure, because I don’t want to mess it up if I were to grow a wienie.  Its not like trying a new kind of plant food for heavens sakes, it a WIENIE, and wienie replacement surgery isn’t cheap either!

Not to mention it would get sore from being drug around, and if I am not mistaken, are these things not rather of a delicate nature?  Don’t they require cups, and protection, and cat like reflexes to deflect whiffle balls?  Cause I don’t have any of those things, and if I am going to be growing a wienie I would have to go buy all that stuff too, and really the $19.95 is high enough if you asked me, because I’ve lived without a wienie for years now and suffered no ill effects at all.  I don’t care to be on America’s funniest home video either, so I can’t recoup my losses that way either.  Really I am just NOT interested in owning a wienie, at all under any circumstances, I have enough to worry about and fuss over.

Well,  ok I admit that I have access to a wienie, but I don’t own my very own wienie, it’s sort of a loaner type deal.  I do it that way because I save on insurance, and maintenance of the wienie.  I have very little extra time for all the extra care and cost of maintaining my own wienie, so it seems logical to out-source this so some other person.  The funny thing is, I don’t even have to pay $19.95, I can just use that one when ever I want, no strings attached.  Plus I get a place to live, and food and everything else I want for FREE!!! Yup, my kids too, how good a deal is that?

So at this point, I’m just not seeing how it would be beneficial for me to start growing my own, when I can just use that one, it works just fine.  Funny thing about that one is that it grows all on it’s own, without pills or anything at all!  Kind of morbidly fascinating to be honest.  Anyhow, I don’t see any benefit to growing a new one of my own, because I know for a fact that the owner of my loaner wienie would get seriously weirded out by competition in this area.  Putting aside, his own natural aversion to foreign wienies, I don’t think that he would feel comfortable with competition, I mean what if mine grew bigger than his?  I mean, he gets upset sometimes when I trounce him at slug bug, so I can just imagine how difficult he would be if I had a wiener that grew bigger than his.  He’d probably just sit around and feel bad about himself, and not go to work or anything, then we would all starve.  On the grand scheme of things, I think I would rather not starve, especially when I don’t really need the wienie anyway.

Well, yes I suppose that I could offer to give the elixir to my loaner wienie, but really, it grows ok on it’s own, I think it would be fine with out the miracle grow for wienies if you know what I mean.  I’ve tried the kind for tomatoes anyhow and frankly horse manure works better.  Besides, the wienie is working well in it’s current state, and if it was bigger it would just take up more space and be more of a pain to deal with.  I mean he already hogs at least half of the bed, despite my being 8 months pregnant.  Which brings me to another point, it does seem to work exceptionally well, I mean this is our 5th child, so obviously there is no problem with it’s working ability.  It has a strong work ethic and has never quit on me yet.  I never even had trouble getting it started or anything.  I just really can’t complain about it at all.

Of course you can upgrade performance, buy a faster car, get more ram, and increase the size of your loaner wienie, but what if it decreases the performance?  I mean maybe I’m paranoid, but I upgraded my modem from Hughs net, and now my internet that was supposed to be so much faster, stronger, longer and better, stinks on ice.  It doesn’t work half the time, and is slower than molasses going uphill in January the rest of the time.  The only reason I don’t go back to dial up is the 2 YEAR blanking contract they made me take with the Free upgrade that they tried to charge me about $150 or more for.  So call me crazy, but fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

I have learned to be very happy with the old model thank you, and I don’t want a newer, bigger one.  Besides, there are certain traits that seem to go along with these things, and what if those increased in size too?  Ego comes to mind, and the always right frame of mind that seems to float in and out of the loaner weinie man’s mentality.  Of course I am aware that these things effect women too, but really I don’t live with another woman so it doesn’t matter does it?  I am living with a man, and if his wienie grows, maybe he will become a bigger er…Jerk once a month than he is now?  I’ve noticed this trend in him, and I really don’t think I want to increase the frequency or severity of this problem.  You never know how these things connect and interact with each other.  It’s like those men who take testasterone and then go crazy and tear apart a car with their bare hands.  I mean, that’s just the horomone, what if you actually increased the size of the manufcaturing plant?  That’s a little scary if you ask me.

Well, so you might argue the case of aethetics, but really, it’s sort of a weird looking thing anyway, and I don’t think anyone but the owner would think it was more attractive because it grew bigger all of the sudden.  I’m sure he would get tired of it anyway, he’s getting on in years, and as men go isn’t all that focused on his wienie anymore.  I’m sure he might really think it was cool at first, but really with all the picking that I see men doing at that particular area when they think nobody is watching, I think increasing it’s size would only be a distraction and irritant in the long run.  Supposedly, it gets malpositioned and has to be adjusted and relocated regularly.  It stands to reason that a smaller model would actually be lower maintenance… So increasing it would only cause the owner to need to pick at it more often, causing him to peer around to see if anyone is looking first.  What if he got a crick in his neck?  I mean its bound to happen eventually, since he would have to relocate it much more frequently than now.

I really don’t think he is interested either, and he seems pretty happy with this model, like I said, it’s a real work horse, never had a problem with it, in some odd 37 years.  That’s an impressive track record if you ask me.  Besides, I’m pretty sure if he wanted to try your product he would have clicked on his own link, because you send them to him too.   He’s pretty attached to the current one, and I just still don’t think messing around with something that works great and all is a good idea.  It’s sort of like the new WORD that Microsoft released, it’s huge alright, a huge pain.  It doesn’t work as well as the last one, and it takes up a tremendous amount of space and resources.  Plus now you have to look all over for things because they moved it all around and made it look funny.  Who wants a funny looking wienie?  Not me that’s for sure and I think not my loaner wienie man either.  We sure aren’t interested in having to look around for it, or decreased productivity either, we have 5 kids, we don’t have time or resources for possible lowered productivity that often accompanies these upgrades and size increases…

Anyhow, I believe I have addressed all the arguements for growing a weinie for myself, and also for growing my loaner wienie.  I don’t think this would work for me, however I do have a few sudgestions for how you might find more customers who WOULD like your product.

Advertise your product on the sides of cars…You know like Nascar does, only instead of race cars you would put your ad on those Dodge NEONs you see zooming around with racing tires, and spoilers about 3 feet wide on the back.  Because if you ask me, thats something someone would look at, if they were compensating for something..er smaller than they want it to be.  Think of it, here comes the car, with the bouncy up and down things going, and the neon lights underneath, with the spoiler and the rap music booming so loud it makes your butt vibrate 3 blocks away, and on the side could be your web address…. “Like what you see?  Quit compensating and grow your own!  www.growyourweinie.com  You’re slogan could be, save big money on fancy tires and get to the root of the problem…

You could do monster trucks too, you know the ones with the big wheels?  Those would also work, and what about in those body building places that sell suppliments?  They buy stuff there to grow their arms bigger, so why not weiner pills too?  You could also send out free samples to Drs.  I get those all the time for acid reflux while I am pregnant, and they really do work.  With the Drs plugging your product surly you would show a huge increase in sales, becasue after all, you garentee it to work or your money back right?

Well, thanks for listening, and I hope you find a good way to market your product.  You might try more traditional avenues of marketing and promoting your products, I don’t know, trade shows or the like.  I do fiber festivals and always enjoy those.  Good luck, oh and before I forget, please can you petition the weinie growing spammers club and ask if they would please stop sending them to my address, because I really don’t like to see them in my inbox, and I can’t really change this address as it is a work address.  Maybe you would ask at the next meeting, or weinie support group affair?

Thanks, you’re a gem.

Allena Jackson

Irony, that means something that happens that is unexpected, and often has a bit of humor in it.

Here’s and example: Nothing says hardcore biker dude, like a poodle strapped on the back of the bike.

That’s irony, for those of you who didn’t understand what it means.  It could also be called oxy-moronic.

Ok, so the poodle on the back of the bike at the post office was both, and it reminded me of why I always say, “darn I wish I had the camera with me”  The shot just spoke to me.

Which got me to thinking about why people create art, and why artists do what they do.  I was/am a painter, and I never did get that whole “Statement” mentality about painting.  I didn’t ever have much to SAY exactly.  I painted pictures, that I thought were interesting to look at, and maybe made you smile, or feel good.  That wasn’t ever good enough in art school, and I still don’t really get why.  SO anyhow I don’t do “high art” well because I just like the act of painting, and the result itself is my reward.

So, fiber artists are often looked down by the “high art” people because it is a “craft”.  But that is not exactly true, there is certainly much thought, planning and intellectual challenge.   And yes, you can even make up a bunch of crap that sounds interesting and thought prevoking.  Did you all read my Storm Trooper Tea Party post from Spindle and Wheel?

What I am getting at, is if you find “meaning” in your creations then that’s great, and I don’t mean to make fun of you.  If that is what makes you feel good and motivates you to create then that’s wonderful… Mostly I just want to make purty yarn, so leave me to my little red neck way of being artisitic ok?  You can make up some deeper meaning if it will make you feel better.

By the way, I decided when I am not pregnant, and I don’t have a baby in the house, I’m going to take up painting again, and the first painting I will do is of Barbie dolls.

Red haired ones, dark haired ones, and blonde ones, all lined up, talking and looking like they are waiting at the bank or something.  Then I can title it “Barbie Queue”

See?  That makes me smile.  Nothing else, no deep feminist meaning there.  Just a fun little joke, that you see and think “HA” that’s funny and go on, making your day a bit brighter.

Here’s another ironic response I got.  The other day, a lady called from Jeff city wanting to poll my husband who’s legal name is William Jackson, the same as his son.  I tried to tell this lady not to bother calling back because he would not care to participate, but she hung up on me.  Ok, so fine.  A man calls back, it’s 2 pm.  William Sr is at WORK!  DUH IDIOT!!!

So when he askes to talk to William Jackson, I says, well ok, he’s available, but you realize he’s two? That shut them up, and got us off the call list.  It worked great, I couldn’t believe how wellit worked, and I’m going to just give that to all my William Jackson spam calls.

Another irony, this pregancy has apparently made me fatter than previous ones, or something.  WARNING!  I am about to discuss boobs.

So, usually during pregancy they get bigger, and fuller as the first and second trimester progress.  They get tender and sore and in general make you wish like normal that you didn’t have any at all.

Well, so mine never did that too much this time, and I was too busy barfing about a bagillion times a day to notice much or care.  So then one day I get up and WHAM!  And really, I mean dang.

From 38 B to 40 D?????  What the flipping blip is that all about???  Did the boobie fairy come last night when I wasn’t looking???

So I didn’t know it, and I went and bought 38 C, but those were too small, so i went back and looked and had to upgrade from the $8 bra to the $14 bra.  Well ok, at least there is more material being used.  So I buy a 38 D, thinking that would suffice surely.

Why no, actually it was so tight around my middle that I thought my circulation was cut off and I was going to die, but the cup is right.  Which doesn’t mean Jack, because a 40 D will have a bigger cup.  Heaven forbid that they just make each friggen cup ONE SIZE and the around the chest measurement what you are around the blankety blank chest!!!!!!!!!

NO it has to involve a measuring tape, and some weird old lady with bi focals and a nasal twang at a department store, and I think she throws in a little gratutious calculus to calculate the parabula of my boob there in the middle of the fitting room.

So, is it really weird to carefully look around and check to see if anyone is looking and sneak a cup fit?  Well I did that because I didn’t want to go to the fitting room and deal with it.

So anyway I am a full figured woman now.  Oh and that brings me to the next point.  22W is a size.

For years I thought it meant 22 WIDE.

Yep I thought it did, because well, it’s discriptive and pardon me but somewhat accurate, if rude.  Cristlyn was kind enough, in a very incredulous way to inform me it’s WOMAN.  Not Wide?  Nope!  Ironic really, if you ask me, because that term really seems to fit well to me.

I admit it isn’t nice, polite or a terribly good marketing term, but really I just didn’t know any better.  And it’s not like I don’t wear these sizes at times.  Like now.

40 D is a WOMAN size lol.  Oh so it matches my 22 wide skirts.  I admit that I am rather wide right now, and that’s ok.  Cristlyn still gets indignant when I say my size is 16 W or whatever lol.  Now, it’s just funny to me.

Ok, so wide would be an indelicate term to use, but it’s better than lard butt, or fatty fatty fat fat.  Ahem, Beau   someone called me THAT last pregnancy.  OH and he they stepped on the scale in the DR office until I weighed 324 pounds.  I had to wait around because my blood pressure had sky rocketed to the point that they were concerned.  Apparently it was fine, just that I got excited when I thought I had weighed 320 pounds!  I’m not naming names here, but I think we all know who did it.  There has been a mutual agreement that this will not occur again.

Now, in the defense of the person, I am usually very difficult to ruffle, and this sort of thing would make me smile.  I’m pregnant though, usually it’s me that annoys him when I tease to much or to meanly.  For instance I would never threated to tie a barrel onto the top of the car for him to drive to Colorado with again.  I didn’t think it would upset him THAT much.  I’m glad I didn’t do that, and only collaborated on it.  So don’t feel too sorry for me, I do probably deserve it.

So, I’m living mighty large here on the ranch if you know what I mean, and I am seriously trying to not eat so much, as I am getting awful big.  I don’t mean big like some people say, and wear like a size 12 regular clothes size to accomadate their bellies.  I mean HUGE big belly, plus a big fat rear to go along with it.  And apparently this time, like 10 or even 15 pounds of boobs…  Which is good, because now I can honestly say “Really Dr, remember the 10 pounds I gained last checkup?  It was just boobies, and you know that isn’t from eating too much, that’s just the body getting ready.”  I mean yes, it is possible that it COULD be the half pound chocolate bars, but really it all went into the bra.

If only I had known how to do that in highschool.  I would have been stuffing half pound Symphony bars in my face right and left.   So now all I need to do is start sending out the spam messages about increasing the size of your boobies overnight with a new miracle cure.  I wonder if it would work for men too?  NO!!!!  I don’t mean to make THEM grow boobies, no man wants boobies, er, well maybe some men want boobies, but that takes hormones.  Get your head on straight here and work with me,  here!  I am not talking about that, I mean that I get spam messages all the time about how to make my twizzler grow.  I can’t use my spam call method for my spam email though, drat it.

I really wish you could reply so I could tell them they are wasting their time, because I don’t have a twizzler to grow bigger, and if I did have a twizzler, I would want to shrink it not grow it, becuase I would be having some serious issues…  Well so maybe some women would use these emails to grow their husbands twizzler, but to me this makes no sense, because it grows all on it’s own anyway doesn’t it?  Pretty natural thing, amazing and fascinating, but natural, most men don’t need a pill to do it.  Some men need viagra I suppose, and I get spam for that too.

Maybe I should switch my email to Idonthaveaweinie at thethreeringranch.com

think it would work?

How about Idon’tneedtogrowmyweinie at thethreeringranch dot com, or myweinieisbigenoughthankyou at thethreeringranch dot com?

Do you think people would think it was weird?

Yeah I thought so too, and it probably wouldn’t work anyway.  How Ironic.

My blog is actually worth MORE than Beau’s. Probably it’s the originality that does it. Plenty of blogs that talk about tech stuff and this and that. Mine has poop and vomit.

My blog is worth $2,822.70.
How much is your blog worth?

Apparently I put in the wrong address. See usually I type www.allena.thethreeringranch.com to go to my blog. Apparently for some clouded and mysterious reason this give me a $0.00 rating. Beau says that I must enter www.thethreeringranch.com/allena to get the amount to be correct. He mentioned that he could explain this, but that the answer was 12, so I thought I would just share what that means.

Now, before any big fans of 12 get all over me for not appreciating it as a number I want to point out that it is in fact one of my favorite numbers. It’s a MAGIC number. If you make socks, sweaters, or hats 12 is the number you want to be thinking on hard. Especially when working in the round. You see, 12 divids equally by lots of numbers. 2, 3, 4, and 6. So what?  Well all the knitters who don’t understand the magic of 12 (which I doubt there are any actually being a very clever bunch) are saying OH WOW! That’s amazing!

You non knitters, be patient and I’ll explain because you really aren’t getting it at this point, and that’s a shame. Tell ya what go get some needles and make something from yarn and suddenly that statement aughter make you real excited. No? Well ok I’ll just tell you.

When you see all the beautiful lace or stitch patterns that make things beautiful, it is because you do certain things in a certain order. This small or sometimes huge sequence of knitting actions is what we call a stitch pattern. There are whole books dedicated to them, and we call them stitch dictionaries. Think of it as sort of a programming library like you would use for software development, only on paper, and knitting instead of all the handy little tricks and ways to make something work in a programming language. If you are a programmer, then suddenly a lightbulb went off, but you knitters, just ignore this explanation, it’s basically just the way they make things work when they don’t know quite how to do something.

ANYWAY, so stitch patterns have a repeat, so you have one pattern, that repeats a certain number of times. So how the heck does 12 factor into this? (Such a bad pun I know, I can’t help myself, I don’t get out much)

Lets say you have a stitch pattern that is a repeat of 6 stitches. If you are making it up as you go, then you need to have a multiple of 6 as your total stitches for this section of the pattern. Let’s just say it’s a sock, because socks are especially important to cast on in a multiple of 12 if you can. Huh? you knitters may not be following me here, but give me a few to explain.

If you knit a sock with a stitch pattern that has a repeat of 6, then you can cast on any multiple of 6. So 12, 18, 24, 30, 36 and so on. BUT if you are knitting them on double point needles, I use a set of four. So I have the work divided equally on three needles because my tiny little mind has trouble. Obviously 6 will always divide equally by three, but your math gets really easy if your total stitches are a multiple of 12 because you can also use other multiples of 12. So for socks, you measure around the leg, multiply this by your gauge and take that number and round it off to the nearest multiple of 12. It should work fine. 36 for larger gauge yarns, and 48, or 60 for finer yarns.  Convienently 24, 36 and 48, 60 and 72 will fit every size in most gauges from infant to giant lumber jack man, unless you have a really fat yarn or a very tiny one.  They also usually work for hats and baby sweaters.  Now a disclaimer here, I’m not a sock knititng expert/fool, so if you want real tricks or tips then go talk to Donyale.

So you can have a stitch repeat on these stitches of 2, 3, 4, 6, 12, 24 and sometimes 18. so some stitch patterns don’t fall into these, but you can tack a few border stitches on, and voila almost any stitch pattern, and it divided evenly on three needles AND the patterns aren’t broken over a gap, in most cases. Brilliant I say, bravo 12!  BUT what if you use a set of5 needles you say?  Well then you need them to divide equally over 4 needles and 12 still works so THERE!

So by now you either think I’m clever or an idiot. Which ever is fine, doesn’t matter, because now we will talk about Beau and the number 12.

About 7 years ago I worked with Beau at Cornerstone, we made software for the travel industry. I was a project manager and Beau was a developer, so we worked quite closely, and for the most part this worked out well. Occasionally the boss would question whether we were staying on target, and one such time he asked me what took so long in Beau’s office.

Mike : You were in there a long time, what took so long? Nothing’s wrong?”

Me: “No, just nailing down a few details”

Mike: “Sounds like more than a few…”

Me: “Well, you know how sometimes you ask Beau a question, and he takes about a half an hour to explain, and then finally you find out that that the answer is 12?”

Mike: (roaring his big mighty HA! laugh!) “Yes, I understand now, never mind.”

Well, anyhow, Beau has a tendency, that many times I find quite endearing to over explain things. Particularly when it comes to something especially mundane or boring like numbers. Numbers such as 12. Or exponents, or maybe counting in hexadecimal or binary. He will get a goofy grin and happily start counting on his fingers while looking up at the sky for all the world like a 5 year old who just learned to count to 10.   Dominic does this too, and I am flawed enough that it often elicits eye rolling and deep sighs from me. I do try to hide it though.

So anyway if you ask Beau what number to cast on for a multiple of 6, with such and such a gauge and such and such measurement. You will get the aforementioned discussion on the merits and glories of the number 12. So I can’t take credit for it ok? But really, the answer is 12. SO if you want to know why the one address doesn’t work, and the other one does, feel free to go ask him on his blog -

www.beau.thethreeringranch.com

or

www.thethreeringranch.com/beau

whichever you like is fine, but in the end, the answer is 12.  Which is now our little catch phrase for “I can tell you, but you probably don’t care to know the details, just trust me and go on.”

I’m good with 12.